tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54821312011-04-21T22:11:14.741ZApathy and NicotineIt is the sound of a lonely man screaming into the abyss.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comBlogger4501100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1080252548597597632004-03-25T22:09:00.000Z2004-03-25T22:11:41.966ZBelfast is interesting. So many tower blocks flying pristine flags of the Irish republic above them, so many council estate pubs eblazoned with (fresh and vivid) external murals celebrating organizations such as the UDA and, particularly, the UVF. Each one that I saw managed to unnerve me more than the last.
All this after spending twelve hours in a grim provincial airport, having had the Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1079326341883109562004-03-15T04:52:00.000Z2004-03-15T04:56:04.763ZShaun Ryder saying "Call the cops" on 'Step on' by the Happy Mondays: Best moment in music of the 1990's?
Wouldn't have thought so, but it's still pretty good.
Anyway, I'm off on my now suspiciously regular fortnightly hiatus, but I shall return next week. Hopefully I shall have an Isle of Man special, and actually have something to write about.
Adios, comrades!Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1079326127526560922004-03-15T04:48:00.000Z2004-03-15T04:51:07.826ZBeware anyone and any business claiming to have a philosophy, for they do not. They merely have a handful of tiresome platitudes and poorly articulated opinions. That includes Plato. In fact, especially Plato.
Anyone claiming that they have a philosophy should be humoured with a weak, disinterested smile until they go away. Do not try to be clever and point out the flaws in their claims - they Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1079325829979235632004-03-15T04:43:00.000Z2004-03-15T04:46:10.340ZHow come everything and everyone that labels itself and themselves as "erotic" manages to be completely the opposite? All of it, erotic literature, erotic photography, erotic art, erotic dancing... is the erotic there in the title specifically because there's no other way the viewer can tell? Suffice to say, I think the rule of thumb is that anything that needs to tell you it's erotic couldn't beJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1079325653067051402004-03-15T04:40:00.000Z2004-03-15T04:43:13.466ZWould it really make that much difference if song lyrics were abolished and musicians had to whistle instead?
Answer: Yes. Nearly all songs ever would be better.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1079106771686040252004-03-12T15:52:00.000Z2004-03-12T15:55:10.013ZWhat is the big deal with being a "creative person"? I understand admiration for, say, William Blake, or Mahler. I tip my hat to such people, were I to see them in the street I would shake their hand and say something along the lines of "Whilst not personally a fan of your work, I appreciate its importance. Go you!", but being in a band? Coming up with the occasional daub?
There's nothing wrong Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1079106574449868912004-03-12T15:49:00.000Z2004-03-12T15:59:07.686ZIs your personality so fragile you fear that being a fully developed human being would overburden it to the point of destruction? Is your sense of self so rudimentary that you have to write "me!" on photographs of yourself and point to them everytime you start doubting you're actually a person? Are you no better than a humble ant, nothing more than a biomechanical automaton whose eradication Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078838688741332872004-03-09T13:24:00.000Z2004-03-09T13:27:03.576ZI hate "hands on" or "dynamic" showpieces in museums. How many people leave a funfair with an appreciation of the physical principles behind the dodgems? None. Yes it might work in so far as it attracts children, but what's the point if the very purpose of the museum is obscured by rubbish games that aren't even a laugh?Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078837274305258512004-03-09T13:01:00.000Z2004-03-09T13:03:29.436ZHaven't been able to get Billy Joel's - 'We didn't start the fire' out of my head since I woke up this morning. For some reason I can't quite identify, it feels important to know why. Perhaps it's some kind of omen.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078767078967753652004-03-08T17:31:00.000Z2004-03-08T17:33:32.890ZI want Steeleye Span - All Around My Hat played at my funeral. And I want the congregation to all wear hats for their "true love" who is "far, far away"Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078766725536135062004-03-08T17:25:00.000Z2004-03-08T17:27:39.530ZWeyhey! Around two more months of pretending I give a damn, and then my exams are over and I can stay home, in my underpants, drinking pepsi through a curly straw and smoking fags till I pass out on the floor right up until October.
I have come to accept the fact that I really am just taking the piss now. I'm going to go further than that, I'm going to celebrate it! I'm not here for any Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078483543492303902004-03-05T10:45:00.000Z2004-03-05T10:47:53.950Z...and so Princess Diana's making the news again. Well, the rubbish daytime TV features news at any rate.
She was unbalanced, she lived and in a state of luxury most of us can barely imagine. What more do we possibly need to know?
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078402538087167552004-03-04T12:15:00.000Z2004-03-04T12:18:44.873ZSo many programmes on antiques, valuations of antiques, valuations of antiques crammed into a game show format, rotten attempts to graft the valuation of antiques and bric a brac onto interior decorating shows (looking at shit, putting a shit price on it, and sold for dog shit pennies which are then used to buy a wicker basket in which to place the kids' clothes, etc).
I'm not particularly Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078350350252338112004-03-03T21:45:00.000Z2004-03-03T22:03:06.390ZAlan Duncan is absolutely awful. Watching "My Week in the Real World", my jaw is regularly on the floor. For those not in the know, he's prancing about at one of these outdoors adventure centres leading a group of kids from a deprived estate on Manchester, and he's just awful. Fair enough, most of the kids are atrocious people as well, but still...
In comparison to Michael Portillo's stint Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078335599700944722004-03-03T17:39:00.000Z2004-03-03T17:43:42.826ZEvery time I have a bad case of the flu, like I have now, everything in the world starts smelling of 1995. Why this should be the case is a complete mystery.
For those who don't know what 1995 smells like, it's a mixture between mown grass, freshly baked sponge cake, and what appears to be Matey's bubble bath. None of which featured prominantly in my 1995.
Also: There's a petrol station downJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078335438127374102004-03-03T17:37:00.000Z2004-03-03T17:39:26.966ZMusic Videos reached their highest point when they seemed to involve loads of crudely done "blue screen" stuff. Since then it's all been down hill. Particular favourites are Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box, and Faith No More - Epic. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078334930924125952004-03-03T17:28:00.000Z2004-03-03T17:31:36.686ZI just found me a ladle, down behind the sofa. This discovery seems to me an epic narrative on my life.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078319737855497652004-03-03T13:15:00.000Z2004-03-03T13:18:42.216ZIf someone could lend me half a million pounds to start my own lifestyle magazine, please get in touch.
It promises to offer deeply aspirational content, and all that buzz wordy trash.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078311898145819732004-03-03T11:04:00.000Z2004-03-03T17:37:35.500ZThe below post again highlights one of the main problems with our democracy. The size of the U.S. and its political structure allows high ranking politicians a certain distance between them and the electorate when proposing and contemplating policy. Who cares what their former peers think when they're off living the high life in Washington DC? France and Italy have the advantage that its majorJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078310491161067312004-03-03T10:41:00.000Z2004-03-03T10:43:39.653ZThe Government's School Standard's Minister recommends the adoption of U.S. Graduation Ceremonies for A-Level graduates.
Now, there's nothing wrong with the basic idea, but coupled with the aims of the introduction of such ceremonies, the whole thing smacks of an ineffectual "re-branding" exercise that does little other than add a bit more cost to schools. "How can we increase the number of Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078251584313181642004-03-02T18:19:00.000Z2004-03-02T18:21:52.483ZThe Father Dowling Mysteries are good, but seeing him in action only made me think that Mr Cunningham Investigates would be far, far better. Watching as Mr C tries to solve crimes, with the occassional help of one or two star guests from the Happy Days gang, would be fantastic.
I'm all for TV show crossover series, a neglected source of ideas if there ever was one.
ER and Friends - Joey Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078239979486624242004-03-02T15:06:00.000Z2004-03-02T15:08:27.653ZOnly a few posts in after my absence, I'm already contemptuously offering you personality test results:
68% liberal 32% conservative
I'm edgy and aggressive.
...and so forth.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078237992960123152004-03-02T14:33:00.000Z2004-03-02T14:37:00.670ZAfter living in a certain locality for a while, it is natural to strike up a limited and oft-dreaded rapport with the staff of the local convenience store. Of course, the staff in question know nothing about you other than your shopping habits, and so all the conversation has to be leading up to some concluding statement, a few final words to mark the point where no more can be said on this Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078215733271841432004-03-02T08:22:00.000Z2004-03-02T08:24:21.186ZWe're often told, with gloomy and occassionally smug authority, that peace in Iraq will be immensly difficult due to the tribal structure of Iraq's society, and how this is a relic of British colonial incompetence in defining Iraq as a nation. If this is true, and not merely a patronising assumption that Iraqis are akin to savages, I'm surprised that it has never been suggested that this is a Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078178315425096122004-03-01T21:58:00.000Z2004-03-01T22:00:42.950ZOh dear fucking Jesus on toast, Coupling is trying to make a point.
Before I merely wanted to be sick. Now I want to be sick and choke to death on it.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078158652347547172004-03-01T16:30:00.000Z2004-03-01T16:35:47.263ZClaire Short should be happy that she managed to become the first ever Down's Syndrome afflicted member of the cabinet, and try to stop the endless stream of tedious "revelations" that fountains from her disturbingly anus shaped mouth.
British Intelligence may have bugged Kofi Annan. I'm sure they place quite a few ambassadors, diplomats, statesmen, and foreign politicians under surveillance. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078158052637279222004-03-01T16:20:00.000Z2004-03-01T16:22:59.640ZAlso: Clinical trials and research involving animals.
I like bunnies, I like kittens, I even think puppies are alright. But if some dark spectre threatened to give a loved one of mine Leukemia or Motor Neurone, presented me with a gun and said "by killing the kitten your loved one can have a marginally better chance of surviving" I'd happily blow that adorable little motherfucker's head to Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078157422964984642004-03-01T16:10:00.000Z2004-03-01T16:12:30.110ZYou'd think that sitting in a café populated entirely by twenty-somethings wearing what appear to be "ethnic"-weave biggles flying helmets can offer no surprises, and you'd be right. Angsty Art painted on doors hung around the sitting area, studiously unkempt man in a 70's tracksuit reading Zadie Smith in the corner, the languid meanderings of Boards of Canada dripping out of the speakers and Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1078154903087336052004-03-01T15:28:00.000Z2004-03-01T15:30:29.950ZHey baby, I'm back, and listening to the Dead Kennedeys. Harsh. They're much less good than they first appear. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077548833399356472004-02-23T15:07:00.000Z2004-02-23T15:09:13.576ZSitting near a group of people who are reading Bizarre and having a haughty discussion about "alternative culture"'s superiority to the "mainstream" would, I'd have thought, made me want to laugh. Instead I had an urgent desire to slam their faces into the table they were sat at until they wept blood.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077537100413437552004-02-23T11:51:00.000Z2004-02-23T11:53:40.590ZIn a change to regular programming, it's unlikely that either the Monster Mash, or Venus in Furs will be broadcast until sometime next week. The reason being partly because I have been concentrating on The Cranberries - Linger.
The authorities regret any inconvenience caused. Especially since the lyrics to Linger are shite and it is actually painful having to focus one's attention on them overJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077294121587469002004-02-20T16:22:00.000Z2004-02-20T16:23:58.590ZThinking of doing The Velvet Underground's rubbish homage to BDSM 'Venus in Furs'. Stay tuned, not sure I'll have it up tonight, but there's always a chance, and I'll try to be a little more creative than just detuning a fucking violin. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077293349599319472004-02-20T16:09:00.000Z2004-02-20T16:11:06.780ZOn the country quiz I turned out to be, rather boringly, the United Kingdom. Since the description it gave was pretty offensive (even to the point of accusing me of liking Oasis) I shan't be including it here.
Bookwise, I'm the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, which is fair enough since I'm still laughing five years after telling someone that the lion was called Islam and being believed.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077271846572628992004-02-20T10:10:00.000Z2004-02-20T10:33:13.606ZSuper props go to Al, for this fully operational Elvis link (the old one a couple of posts down). The Man's faith in his friends was his weakness. Or something.
Currently wringing my hands over the dillemma of what to do next. Cranberries - Linger? Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Round (like a record)?Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077210255014781252004-02-19T17:04:00.000Z2004-02-19T17:12:48.513ZThere was going to be a picture of me having a fight with Elvis, but I can't be bothered getting the link to work. Never mind.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077209145658202322004-02-19T16:45:00.000Z2004-02-20T10:10:28.186ZLook out, here comes Kelvis and his wonky pelvis, shaking his dirty winky at girls (as he's given to do on occassion).
Not only low in monosaturates, but also 100% less copyright material!
Get that funky momma Here provided The Man doesn't throw another benny and delete it because he thinks I'm actually sending out copies of elvis songs. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077189086364954042004-02-19T11:11:00.000Z2004-02-19T11:13:22.340ZLook forward to Elvis Presley's repentant hit - Always on my mind later today ...Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077148279876452282004-02-18T23:51:00.000Z2004-02-19T00:28:06.623ZOnly cunts could fail to find themselves listening to Alistair (8-Ball) and Martin's renditions of Born to Run and Just like Heaven over and over again. So go download them now!Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077146368874892382004-02-18T23:19:00.000Z2004-02-18T23:21:24.200ZEat This, The Man!
Mee mo me mah, in Cars!
(many thanks to Al)Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077109652674939402004-02-18T13:07:00.000Z2004-02-18T13:09:27.750ZMan, I'm shit at HTML.
I shall choose to wear my ignorance with pride. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077106176000650862004-02-18T12:09:00.000Z2004-02-18T12:11:30.996ZMy Blog comes third from the top when typing "the US shouldn't follow UN mandates" into Ask Jeeves.
I do hope people aren't taking me more seriously than I deserve. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077103006213936452004-02-18T11:16:00.000Z2004-02-18T11:24:32.890ZI really dislike finding that the plastic dish that comes with your eezy-cook meals isn't safe to put in the oven. It's probably the big toxic clouds of evaporated plastic that I find the most irksome.
I only chanced it because I couldn't be bothered scraping the blackened, greasy "once was pepperoni" detritus from my baking tray.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077101952503354862004-02-18T10:59:00.000Z2004-02-18T11:01:06.796ZWhy is Pain au Chocolat now known as "Choclatines"
and
Why do till monkeys think it's ok to look scornfully at my shopping trip haul and tell me that it's obvious I haven't got a "good woman" waiting for me at home.
Thanks, but I was trying to keep a hold of that tiny shred of dignity.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077098252696722702004-02-18T09:57:00.000Z2004-02-18T09:59:26.966ZWhee! I have a thousand distinct visitors to my blog. Each of which have, on average viewed my blog around three times, ever.
I'm going to put on some trousers and get some cigarettes to celebrate with...and maybe some tangerines.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077095383230244242004-02-18T09:09:00.000Z2004-02-18T09:15:42.483ZUsing Blogwise's "Search for other blogs like this one", this was the first result for 8-Ball. I can't read it, but I'm assuming that it's going to be all good, especially since the first post has "Pooh" in it.
And this, for some reason, is my kindred blog spirit. Although, I suppose Satyrs are alright, so I might like satyrical blogs also.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077094357156532112004-02-18T08:52:00.000Z2004-02-18T08:54:32.216ZWowee, The Man has smote me.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077094318375194412004-02-18T08:51:00.000Z2004-02-18T08:53:53.450ZLooking for Middlesborough prostitutes? Google seems to think this is the place to come.
I suppose pimp daddy would be a novel career change for me.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077052125900282862004-02-17T21:08:00.000Z2004-02-17T21:15:16.060ZOh dear God, now it's sat on the fucking vacuum cleaner. Almost as if it knows that this was my secret weapon.
Either
a) I and this particular eight legged freak have crossed swords before;
or
b) Some fucker out there is playing with voodoo again.
Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be aware that I have a bottle of domestos with which to smite it.
Suddenly, I'm left pining for my first Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077051083110627882004-02-17T20:51:00.000Z2004-02-17T20:54:35.856ZI also hates it when the bastard positions itself precisely over where my face would rest when I go to bed.
It knows I'm talking about it, and it is displeased.
If I stop posting, think kindly of me, for I will most likely be dead. Whether by my own hand, or the razor sharp talons this creature seems to possess on each leg is immaterial for either way it will have been my murderer. Should Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077050655320090422004-02-17T20:44:00.000Z2004-02-17T20:48:24.763ZI hate: Spiders so large that they have trouble clinging to the kitchen wall, and of such considerable mass that, when they hit the floor, you can actually hear the impact from three foot away. This one's fucking awful, it's like a sculpture of a spider carved from the emptiness that exists between galaxies and has been animated by the dark magics of Satan himself. The temperature in the room Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077050145124807972004-02-17T20:35:00.000Z2004-02-17T20:37:39.186Zsubsisting on nothing more substantial than a cheese toasty and a bacon sandwich a day is really beginning to fuck with my head. I think it may well be time I washed a pair of trousers so I can go out and buy some food.
Having said that, I *do* still have enough cheese in to possibly last the entire week. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077049396713474722004-02-17T20:23:00.000Z2004-02-17T20:25:10.873ZAlso in the old inbox: One post mysteriously labelled 'Christians in Maths!'
Whilst to me the exclamation mark suggested that some had been spotted loitering around the department, and that the authorities had decided to warn students to be on their guard, it actually turns out to be a meet and greet with some fans of Jesus, organised by a certain Dan and Helen.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077049077253296722004-02-17T20:17:00.000Z2004-02-17T20:26:56.263ZHints for all people planning to go to university this year who may be reading this blog:
Try to avoid not checking your university e-mail for two months in a row.
It turns out that you're not only supposed to register at the beginning of the year, but also at the beginning of every semester, and those deadlines sure do pass quickly.
Yay me! Time once again to concoct another tissue thin web Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077038482066537612004-02-17T17:21:00.000Z2004-02-17T17:23:16.513ZI may have to start taking requests. If there's a midi file of the track in question out there for me to butcher, I'll do it.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077037263617143272004-02-17T17:01:00.000Z2004-02-17T17:02:57.950ZBoom! In comes the new hot release from the Sneaky Whiskers label, Denver's interpretation of Gary Numan's hit classic 'Cars'. It's Cars for the '90s - You'll see what I mean when you hear the beats I uz0red (Any cunts in the audience may be pleased to know that yes, that is Funky Drummer at one point. Finish looking smug and fuck off).
Anyway, some information - The file is a little over Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1077017086648113152004-02-17T11:24:00.000Z2004-02-17T11:26:40.500ZDownloading Cars now, for 'inspiration'.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076929306935252162004-02-16T11:01:00.000Z2004-02-16T11:03:39.996ZWhat's with the sudden emergence of books parodying recent releases? Strolling around Borders I managed to chance upon an entire display filled with hilarious madcap titles like "Shite's Miscellany" and something about Harry Potter, that it was called "Hairy Pooper" is a very real possibility.
I know that it's rubbish, I just haven't quite put my finger on why.
Surely, if the existence of Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076926941567886462004-02-16T10:22:00.000Z2004-02-16T10:24:14.310ZSince war seems to be out of the question, perhaps the Presidency/mastery of Europe can be decided by some other kind of competitive venture.
Maybe a massive session of Civilization III or Imperialism II, with the various countries economic and military resources modelled accurately. That way there can be no doubt about the result, it wont have to rely upon elections where each country simplyJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076925650198497082004-02-16T10:00:00.000Z2004-02-16T11:06:32.153ZFucking hell! It's 2004?
I feel the cumulative weight of a thousand pressing engagements I'm late for thrust down upon me.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076923805273940032004-02-16T09:30:00.000Z2004-02-16T10:15:35.170ZMost strikes I can vaguely understand why the employees in question have decided that a strike is a worthwhile tactic to employ.
Firemen for instance can cause a fair bit of inconvenience by striking, as can train drivers, teachers, bin men, air traffic controllers, etc. But driving instructors? Oh no, it'll take a little longer for the next generation of drivers to add to the congestion on Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076922839053818322004-02-16T09:13:00.000Z2004-02-16T09:15:51.873ZThis is just getting fucking stupid.
Europe is a comparitively wealthy region, but its aspirations overshoot its means on a regular basis.
Our pensions are down the fucking toilet, each country has its own unique problems with its national health services (it's interesting to note that whilst many supporters of the NHS look to France and Germany for proof that the system can work, France has Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076919893157891532004-02-16T08:24:00.000Z2004-02-16T08:26:45.793ZGCHQ offers this scenario on their recruitment website:
"Deep in the bowels of a secret government establishment, a lone mathematician sits, poring over an apparently random and indecipherable stream of characters. He stares ruminatively at it for hours, occasionally scribbling down a thought on the dog-eared pad that sits by his elbow. And then, suddenly, he leaps to his feet with a cry of 'Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076919502789733332004-02-16T08:18:00.000Z2004-02-16T08:20:15.950ZWey hey! I'm almost half way through my degree!
At the end of which I get to choose whether I want to venture out into the filthy world of work, and am faced with the inevitable choice of accountancy, actuarial work, or teaching; or to dupe some kindly professor into letting me work under them for my PhD... and then, three years later, choose whether I want to be a teacher or a number cruncher.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076918758521486092004-02-16T08:05:00.000Z2004-02-16T08:07:51.403ZIs it just me, or does there seem to be more and more programmes on the first and second world war these days? It's almost like our broadcasters are deliberately trying to wind up the ambassador of Germany who expressed such dismay a couple of years ago that our history syllabus focuses so much on the Second World War.
Although, in one respect, I can understand his consternation. Whilst I Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076917960611596322004-02-16T07:52:00.000Z2004-02-16T07:56:50.763ZThings to buy:
Entire series of grubby Sherlock Holmes from the 80's, starring Jeremy Brett
Also, from a similar period, the ITV mini series on Jack the Ripper starring Michael Caine, both of which have recently been released on DVD.
Yay! All my wishes seem to come true. It's ace being me!
Now, if only they'd release the odd 80's Biggles film, where Biggles travels into the future in Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076917857861812462004-02-16T07:50:00.000Z2004-02-16T07:52:50.090ZHang on, wasn't it Shabba Ranks who was Mr Loverman? Shaggy was Mr Boombastic.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076712840731826582004-02-13T22:54:00.000Z2004-02-13T22:55:51.340ZPerhaps I'm being a little harsh... (turns round to see a grinning Jim Davidson on his TV screen)
No. It turns out that I was right. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076702389914976432004-02-13T19:59:00.000Z2004-02-13T20:01:40.340ZWhat in god's name is the BBC up to? Nearly every night I find myself in the unpleasant position of having some fat, lazy beeb prick pissing gameshows and sensationalism into my eyes.
The previously mentioned Crisis Command was bad, QI was fucking awful, Little England made me cry, and if I see another documentary that fails to do anything but irritate me with ten year old break beats crasslyJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076700627791808792004-02-13T19:30:00.000Z2004-02-13T19:32:17.920ZThe upshot of our concerned government's drive to shame and shock fatso smoker scum into living healthily is that I now feel like a subversive. The left may have their pissy little ideologies, but I have pies and fags. I know which movement I'd join. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076607370028345442004-02-12T17:36:00.000Z2004-02-12T17:37:59.890ZHullo Lovesters. Well, the time is upon us for all you breeders to express how suitable you deem your partners genetic code to be, perhaps in the form of a massive padded card. Before you get some tatty cut price roses and resign yourselves to clumsily giving your lover a hand job, try out some of these top romantic suggestions for lovemas:
1. Paris is the city of Love. It's also the city Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076542952234763632004-02-11T23:42:00.000Z2004-02-11T23:44:20.216ZDing ding donga dong dong ding dong dingy dingy son of a gun! Ministry did a song called "The Isle of Man". Rock!
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076542737576729032004-02-11T23:38:00.000Z2004-02-11T23:40:45.606Z"The patriarchy can bite me". Still laughing about that one...Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076542202565669712004-02-11T23:30:00.000Z2004-02-11T23:31:50.700Z137 people visited this site last week in search of information on Rosie Reid. She's a dumbkopf, what more do you people need to know?Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076283051181851262004-02-08T23:30:00.000Z2004-02-08T23:32:36.263ZWhere to begin when talking about Crisis Command on the BBC...
A game show that consists of a team of contestants being put in charge of a crap model of the country's infrastructure and fending off a September 11th style terrorist attack. Given that it's only been a few years since the World Trade Centre collapsed, and that Western Governments and their Intelligence Services are still in a Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1076278975244742792004-02-08T22:22:00.000Z2004-02-08T22:24:40.390ZLissen all yo', it's a syaabotage.
Or
Babywedon'loveya, babywedon'loveya, babyyeah! ?
The choice...is yours.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075816136482141632004-02-03T13:48:00.000Z2004-02-03T13:50:36.060ZOh for Christ's sake. Now we're hoping to send manned missions to Mars, even though manned space exploration has been obsolete since... well since it started really. Every year people die in their thousands from disease, and yet there are grinning fucking researchers lobbying the government and appearing on tv saying that we can't be allowed to fall behind Europe and the US in terms of the Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075814770084503582004-02-03T13:26:00.000Z2004-02-03T13:27:49.903ZAnother depressing newsletter from the Graduate Recruitment Agency, these things are beginning to feel more daunting than an appointment with the reaper.
Like a fool I optimistically look in the Science section and am immediately greeted with a grand total of three jobs. Two of those jobs being the position of sales executive with laser manufacturers. Sales? No. Even worse is the fact that Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075771033769730532004-02-03T01:17:00.000Z2004-02-03T01:18:53.170ZWhy am I so angry today? It's not some question I'm voicing in the hope someone will ask me it back and then have to listen to me reel off a tiresome list of petty woes. I just have these inexplicable bursts of generic, undirected anger, and todays one of them.
They make me feel mental. They also make me feel like I want to punch some bastard's face to custard and burn all his possessions.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075750798278764252004-02-02T19:39:00.000Z2004-02-02T19:41:37.060ZWhy is Robin Cook still one of the darlings of the anti-war movement? Did everyone just mysteriously forget that during his stint as Foreign Secretary he was more than happy to approve arms sales to the dictatorship in Indonesia, to whom Britain became the biggest supplier of arms? Not to mention allowing British investment in Burma - a country so repressive that the United States had imposed Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075671700392049872004-02-01T21:41:00.000Z2004-02-01T21:43:18.233ZFaith No More, best band ever? Or is this just the latest manifestation of my bitter attempts to ignore the fact that I'm both growing up and older with alarming speed? Or is it just that I've matured enough to allow myself to enjoy such top notch songs without having to worry about whether or not it's "worthy" (judged by whatever arbitrary and ill reasoned criteria I used as an adolescent).
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075544003591129032004-01-31T10:13:00.000Z2004-01-31T10:15:00.390Z£500? Black Market? Since when did the black market get so dull? A wheelbarrow full of drugs, or an evening with a shit... tricky decision.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075543429438281352004-01-31T10:03:00.000Z2004-01-31T10:05:26.310ZFriday Five. Late, but who the hell cares about these space fillers anyway?
You have just won one million dollars:
1. Who do you call first?
A stockbroker. Like I'm going to let you greedy parasites know I've just hit the jackpot.
2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?
A cat, and someone to look after it. That's right, I'm going to buy that person.
3. What is the first thing Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075542904527746542004-01-31T09:55:00.000Z2004-01-31T09:56:41.466ZThe Hutton Report:
So, Lord Hutton, whose entire career since 1979 has been one based on appointment via the recommendation of various Lord Chancellors, who are also members of the cabinet, and the Prime Minister, turns out to be a conservatively minded establishment man when it comes to scrutinising allegations made against the government.
A man whose title is "The Right Honourable Lord HuttonJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075483006631517272004-01-30T17:16:00.000Z2004-01-30T17:20:45.810ZThe top up fees debate:
For - Our universities are shit and need the money.
Against - Our universities are shit and aren't worth the money.
Simple as that.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075482399120286542004-01-30T17:06:00.000Z2004-01-30T17:08:15.246ZOf course there's some junk mail in the communal hall addressed to one Mr Tit. Why shouldn't there be?
Sure wish I'd thought of drawing cartoons.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075324990624730902004-01-28T21:23:00.000Z2004-01-28T21:31:16.326ZHow does 'pansexuality' differ from bisexuality, given that there are only two genders? Is that like fucking goatmen or something?Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075238459438533282004-01-27T21:20:00.000Z2004-01-27T21:22:32.653ZUpdate: Since the vote has been passed in favour of top up fees, it looks like Rosie's going to have to sell herself. Look out for her down King's Cross, she's the even uglier one.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075157921695417282004-01-26T22:58:00.000Z2004-01-26T23:10:10.296ZRosie Reid. Who is she?
She's the Bristol Student who has decided to publically state she's going to sell her virginity in order to finance her studies, and also has the audacity to claim that it's not just a stunt to draw attention to her rather ordinary and lack lustre argument against tuition fees.
Two problems:
a) Get a loan, or a job. I don't believe that this is, as she states, the "Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075059069023784442004-01-25T19:31:00.000Z2004-01-25T19:32:39.936ZThe enemy dresses in earthy colours. Perhaps they even wear sandals to go to the corner shop. He or she has only been using the term "wicked" for about eight months, but has decided to use it three times in each sentence to compensate. The enemy will offer a list of suggested reading during any conversation centred upon their field of "expertise". They will describe things as 'amazing', Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075056940878014432004-01-25T18:55:00.000Z2004-01-25T18:57:11.436ZBest TV moments of the twentieth century:
1. Trevor and Simon's "Rave Moonmonkey" sketch on Going Live. I want to be Rave Moonmonkey.
2. Michael Portillo "Dominating" the washing machine
3. John Craven's bitter final day on Newsround. "Now, it's not a joke children..."
4. When Alistair and I kicked the piglet on Survivor Island to death in front of our horrified fellow contestants
5. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1075054618384181912004-01-25T18:16:00.000Z2004-01-25T18:18:29.436ZBeware all songs featuring the noise of someone having a sex on the intro. Apart from More Human Than Human.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074907930201104312004-01-24T01:32:00.000Z2004-01-24T01:35:06.360ZBest Comedy Moment Ever?
One of the Petes from Pete and Pete and Artie (the strongest man in the world) running into each other with their upper bodies encased in dustbins.
Take your tired old Reeves and Mortimer routines (which should only really be funny when you're still doing A-Levels and believe "getting" something that isn't there to be got is the height of sophistication), your lumberingJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074904803644325792004-01-24T00:40:00.000Z2004-01-24T00:41:32.653ZMore best musicians/composers of the 20th century...
1. The Boo Radleys
2. Schoenberg
3. Danni Filth
4. Rod
5. Nigel "Monster" Kennedy
6. Liberace
7. Bez
8. Pantera
9. Dr Avalanche
10. Benny HillJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074531780283996422004-01-19T17:03:00.000Z2004-01-19T17:04:25.513ZI wish I had a gun, just to shoot it into the ceiling whilst swigging from a bottle of whiskey and laughing would complete this picture.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074531598316505402004-01-19T16:59:00.000Z2004-01-19T17:01:22.780ZYAY! Noise War II!
Sorry, motherfuckers, but Pulp, as played on a shitty domestic Hi-Fi is nothing compared with Mindfields on a pair of studio grade monitor speakers with extended bass response. Eat my 60 Hz frequency floor, Bitches.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074523967332017092004-01-19T14:52:00.000Z2004-01-19T14:57:31.936Z...and yet more best muscians ever...
1. Richard Vranch
2. Vangelis
3. Any Beastie Boy you care to mention
4. Joe Satriani
5. Sheryl Crow
6. Cheryl Baker
7. Tricky
8. Lars Ulrich
9. Smart E's
10. Enya
Richard Vranch? Who he? Fans of Whose Line is it Anyway are in the know.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074523391645826002004-01-19T14:43:00.000Z2004-01-19T14:44:36.450ZTop Cities:
1. Stockholm
2. Bristol
3. Vienna
4. Atlantis
5. Middlesborough
6. Wolverhampton
7. York
8. Peel
9. London
9. Manchester
This is great.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074519093906163852004-01-19T13:31:00.000Z2004-01-19T13:32:58.610ZOr again:
1. Rachmaninoff
2. Hulk Hogan
3. Simon Le Bon
4. Marvin Gaye
5. Grange Hill Comprehensive
6. Praga Khan
7. The Greggs
8. Lemmy
9. Jesus Jones
10. A Chemical Brother
I could do this for days on end. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074518394690056372004-01-19T13:19:00.000Z2004-01-19T13:22:35.093ZTop Ten Musicians of the 20th century
1. Mr C
2. Utah Saints
3. Maxim Reality
4. Rob Zombie
5. Samantha Fox
6. SEAL
7. Gloria Estefan
8. Jasper Carrot
9. Gershwin
10. Gary Numan.
Eat it.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482131.post-1074515503741795062004-01-19T12:31:00.000Z2004-01-19T12:33:08.403ZI decided to go for a walk on saturday, to see the city, to get a feel for the place in which I have made my home. Needless to say, I got lost and ended up on the worst estate in Bristol.
Here's a brief run down of the thoughts I had on my journey:
"Hello, this is nice. Getting out of the house and so forth, a breeze in the air, attractive streets..."
"Hm, architecture's taken a turn for Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016175432976189086noreply@blogger.com